Lisa, from Texas

I have a Texan friend, Lisa. I don’t have a lot of friends, but the few I have, I treasure. Anyway - Lisa.

First, she is gorgeous. Slim, blonde, blue-eyed, with a smile that just stops you cold. She was young when I met her, and she is slightly less young now (older than shit, Lisa), but still gets that second and third look when she’s walking around. And she’s tougher than your Grandma’s elbow. Many times I have seen her smile that big smile at men and tell them to urinate vertically onto a braided hemp product used to knot and secure, or when she’s had three more beers tell them to attempt an aeronautical intercourse activity with a motivated piece of cylindrical pastry. {for you non-military types that translates to “piss up a rope” or “take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut”} and they grin and bob their heads and just lap it up. I always sat back and laughed.

I’ve often thought that the best way to describe Lisa is “a two-fisted thinker”. She doesn’t suffer fools at all, not even for the moment of political correctness. She might not speak up immediately, but those of us who let the fool stroll out on our tongue know that at some time soon, Lisa will puncture our ego balloon.

Lisa worked with me a couple of times. I have had mature and successful men come into my office in tears because “Lisa was mean to me!” Either Lisa or I fired every one of them, or they quit real soon after that painful interview. Conversely, I sincerely believe that she is the best team builder I ever saw. For a mean-assed woman, I mean. When she has formed a team, they out-work and out-perform anyone around, and they love doing it. Lisa feeds them, cares for them, teases them, laughs with them, and they give it right back to her. Customers love her, and so does her team after the straphangers are gone.

Lisa is a Marine, but out of the Corps, in the same sense that I'm a soldier but out of the Army and it’s a good thing the Marines are tough sons-a-bitches or they woulda’ had to learn when Lisa got there.

She rides her motorcycle, disdains folks weaker than she is, gets rid of less than productive workers, pisses off politically correct corporate bureaucrats, and prefers cats to dogs. If she works for you, she will test you just about every day. Flinging her shit right back at her is pretty much the only way I ever learned to stand her. One time I told her “Lisa, you should never miss the opportunity to shut the fuck up”. She didn’t shut up, but she remembered that command, ‘cause now that I’m feeble and retired she quotes it to me.

And I love her. I love the strength, the passion, the “Fuck you, you aren’t Texan” attitude. She is funny, profane, caring, and won’t return phone calls worth a shit. Just a good damned friend. I wish you all the same luck.